When you have your heart set on something, nothing stings quite like disappointment. It is, by definition, the displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one's hopes or expectations. It's the loss of something that often never even had the chance to come to fruition, and what is more sad than the demise of a dream?
As Steve Jobs said, "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever." It's only now that I've found myself in a place where all the dots have connected that I can look back on my disappointments with gratitude.
I hope my words reach someone who is heartbroken, disillusioned, disappointed - I was all of the above and more, and I hated people telling me "Everything happens for a reason" or "It all works out in the end." These are well intentioned sayings, but they offer little solace. Unfortunately, these cliches I resented so strongly are true. They're so true, damnit. Let me tell you how a few of my more recent 'dots' connected.
When I started my schooling to become a Holistic Nutritionist, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to work in the area of mental health, brain health, age-related brain degeneration (etc.) In an almost serendipitous manner, I met someone who had a business focused on all of those things exactly. It was too good to be true. I approached them immediately, and in a more professional way, basically said "Oh my fucking God, I love your business, I'm freaking out, please let me work with you, I'll do anything." I was offered a mentorship while I was in school, and a job upon graduation. Jackpot, bitches!
Being young, trusting and inexperienced, I went along my merry away (not feeling out any other opportunities), did work for free in exchange for mentorship I never received, and was shocked when, after I graduated, my future employer rescheduled and dodged our meetings and ignored my e-mails. I was jobless with no backup plan. The fountain of idealism from which I drank had been poisoned. I felt duped, lost beyond comprehension, and so disappointed that someone I admired so deeply, who had expressed so much interest in me clearly played me like a fiddle. So, what did I learn? As Maya Angelou said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. There were red flags that I optimistically swept under the carpet, and now I feel like I dodged a bullet. It also pushed me to pursue my own passions, build my own dream, believe in my own capabilities and work far, far beyond the safety of my comfort zone. Not having a full-time career right away also allowed me to say "Hell yes!" when my friend asked me to travel to Asia for a month. That trip changed my life, connected me with incredible friends and showed me a side of myself I didn't know existed.
Thank you, disappointment! Woo!
The area of my life flooded with letdowns has definitely been ... Dating. Unsurprisingly. Can't spell "disappointment" without "men", am I right?
I navigated the messy, traumatizing battlefield that is millennial dating with unwavering sanguineness. I was ghosted. Benched. All the modern lingo. Lied to, stood up, mindfucked. Cheated on and left. Cheated on and left with an "I think she gave me chlamydia, you should get tested" text message (I sure know how to pick 'em). I cried until my body physically refused to produce tears. I swore I would never date again. And that lasted all of five seconds before I downloaded and deleted Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Mint and OkCupid one million times. I proceeded to meet an onslaught of assholes, misogynists, game-players, manipulators, creeps and everything in between. I gave up AGAIN, this time with more finality. I didn't think it was possible to meet so many horrible, non-commital, insensitive, emotionally detached, sociopathic men. I sometimes literally touched my forehead to see if I had a sign there saying "Are You Fucked Up?! If Yes, We Should Date!" My heart couldn't take another disappointment, my mind couldn't take another round of games, disappearing acts and lack of closure.
After vowing to focus on me, myself & I with an unapologetic amount of selfishness and self-love, I met someone. Classic. I still don't understand how he's real. I adjusted my view of my self-worth and refused to tolerate anything less than I deserve. People will rise or lower to meet your standards - and since we accept the love we think we deserve, it wasn't until I decided that I'm enough, I'm worthy, I'm meriting of respect and warrant cherishing that I received it. I thank the Universe everyday for the rejection and heartache - it was simply a means of keeping me away from what was not meant for me. And now, I actually laugh out loud thinking about men from my passed. They don't hold a candle in any way, shape, form or category to the person I'm lucky enough to be with today.
So, one more time, thaaaaank you disappointment #blessed.
Don't ever allow let downs to rob you of your hopefulness. Let them ignite a belief in you that something so, so much better is coming for you. Because it is! Let it unearth a deep sense of gratitude within you for being kept away from something that did not align with your highest potential, your greatest good. Trust the timing of your life.
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